Anxiety? Paranoia? What Is It That Makes Me Feel Like This?
I’m not really sure how to explain this, but i’ll give it a go.
I’m 18 but whenever i’m on my driveway outside my house and i hear a car coming along the road i get really panicky. I feel like my chest is constricting and i can’t breathe. I desperately try to get into the house to get away from it, and if someone else is there and they have the keys instead of me i’ll start getting really angry at them. Last week my mum dropped the keys as she tried to open the door and i could hear the car coming and i literally screamed at her. When she opened the door i pushed my way in, and it was only when the door was shut that i felt safe. If i can’t get into the house i’ll usually crouch behind my car on the driveway until the other car has passed, but if i can’t hide then i stand deadly still but i feel absolutely sick with terror.
It also happens at school. If i’m walking and i hear someone behind me i feel my chest tightening and i have to speed up to get away from them. So for example if i’m going to my form room (which is upstairs) and someone is behind me i’ll start to speed up, i’ll run up the stairs two at a time, if no one else is around i’ll usually run to the classroom but all the time i feel sick because i think they’re going to follow me upstairs.
Whenever i’m walking down my hallway to my room i imagine someone is coming up behind me and about to grab me even though there is a mirror at the end of the hallway which shows that there is no one there. I always think of what i could do to disarm said attacker with what i’m carrying. e.g. if i’m carrying a plate of food and some cutlery, i’ll think about how i can use them to defend myself.
When i catch the bus i always think the people at the back of the bus are talking about me. I tense up and stay like that for the entire journey. I feel really hot and my chest feels tight. This happens whenever i get on a bus and it makes me hate going places. It’s bad getting on the bus because i don’t make eye contact with anyone and i sit in the first available seat but it’s worse getting up because i’ve worked myself up into such a frenzy that i can barely move to get up.
I don’t know why this is happening and i’m too embarrassed to tell any of my friends or relatives.
Something else as well, not really related to the above. Occasionally when i’m bored i’ll play tetris in my head but sometimes i get a block which won’t stop spinning. It just spins and spins and never reaches the bottom. It’s really distracting and makes my head hurt, but i can’t think of anything BUT the block and the more i try to imagine it wasn’t spinning the worse it gets until i can’t stand it.
Thanks for reading.
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The commercial isn’t a long infomercial, it’s more like the length of a regular commercial but with an infomercial style. There is this blonde chef representing this chef’s knife as the most important tool she uses. I don’t think she’s really a famous chef…anyway, it has some sort of chinese or japanese symbols on it and it starts with a ‘Z’ I think. Can you think of what that is?
By the way, it’s not a Ginsu, Miracle Blade, or a Ronco knife!
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